The amazing Pineapple Cats of Hawaii

"Jim Spanfeller" (awesomeaustinv)
06/29/2020 at 18:59 • Filed to: satire

These beautiful animals that were totally just discovered and which I definitely did not make up using images generated by AI are found on the Hawaiian islands and are masters of disguise.

Using specialized scale-like fur, these wild felines are able to perfectly imitate pineapples, making them a formidable predator. Until now, they’ve been so good at hiding that we humans were never aware of their existence despite living in close proximity to them. For years, pineapple farmers have claimed to see pineapples moving around and wandering off, but we always just assumed they were crazy. However, probably due to global warming or something, they’ve begun to stray from their natural habitat. And after a few weeks of everyone wondering if hallucinogens had been slipped into the water supply, scientists realized that there really were a bunch of pineapple cats roaming around, and now they’ve captured a few for study.

Here we see a mother Pineapp le Cat with its kittens. The kittens are known to locate and recognize their mother by her unique scent, which differentiates her from actual pineapples. Kittens with inadequate senses of smell are left to suckle pineapples and die because its a rough world out there for a Pineapple Cat and weak ones cannot be allowed to pass on genes.

Even those Pineapple kittens that do manage to avoid such a fate are at risk of being devoured by the also recently-discovered Piguana:

There appears to be just as much variation in size and breed among Pineapple Cats as regular cats, but they are harder to tell apart due to the pineapple disguise.

Their diet consists of many native birds, insects, coconut, pineapples, and more recently, various human foods that they can steal with ease. Because nobody expects their ham to get snatched by a pineapple.

Males attract females by rising up on their hind legs and singing with their melodic voices which sound similar to a ukelele. Females, by comparison, have very weak vocal chords and primarily communicate using a combination of body language, fragrant fruity farts, and facial expressions:

Further study of their natural habitat has revealed evidence that Polynesians used to make sausage out of these Pineapple Cats and put it on a sort of flat, round pizza-like pastry. It appears that this was highly controversial, however, with some people claiming that it “didn’t belong”.

Whatever the case, these are magnificent creatures and we should do whatever it takes to protect them.

DISCUSSION (11)

Jb boin > Jim Spanfeller
06/29/2020 at 19:08

Kinja'd!!!

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Jim Spanfeller
06/29/2020 at 19:09

Did you look at deep dream images and then take some psychedelics ?

For Sweden > Jim Spanfeller
06/29/2020 at 19:14

Say sike or I throw it

Kinja'd!!!

Jim Spanfeller > For Sweden
06/29/2020 at 19:32

Psych!

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Jim Spanfeller
06/29/2020 at 19:53

That was a waste of about 5 minutes of my life. I’m OK with this.

PyroHoltz f@h Oppo 261120 > Jim Spanfeller
06/29/2020 at 20:32

This is the best oppo!

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller
06/29/2020 at 21:04

That makes you wonder what other things have secretly been animals in disguise this whole time. I’ve been eyeing these flower pots suspiciously and I think I saw one blink.

And Deep Art is still being difficult and not producing any art. I may come back later with some much superior beetroot dogs.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/29/2020 at 21:17

Kinja'd!!!